Avatar's Guide to Problem Solving
by Masako Moonshade
Summary: Got a problem? The cast of Avatar can help! Key characters now share their priceless advice and quick fixes for all situations.
1. Quick Fixes

AN: Because the coming chapters of EfaP will more than a bit heavy, and because I don't want my lovely readers to get all depressed and hate me until the next time I update, I have included a special bonus:

The Avatar's Guide to Quickly Solving All Your Problems!

(May also be used to determine 'in character' behavior)

Uncle Iroh's quick fix: give whoever is in trouble tea and food. Tea is the cure for all medical injury and helps calm everyone down. The act of eating forces people to sit still long enough to reflect on their problems while they chew.

Zuko's quick fix: Find the Avatar. Katara's traveling with him, and nothing else is seriously important enough to worry about until after the Avatar is captured.

Zhou's quick fix: Taunt Zuko. This doesn't actually achieve anything, but it makes you feel a lot better about the situation. When in serious doubt, just kill someone.

Aang's Quick fix: Find an animal. Ride it. This act not only forces you to calm down (animals can sense fear/anger/etc) but lets you loosen up, which results in an increased ability to think. It's also a ton of fun. And in serious situations, the animal you're riding will invariably be bigger and stronger than you are, and therefore will act as more of an intimidating force. Also useful for quick getaways.

Momo's quick fix: Fix? Fix what? He's a lemur, for crying out loud! He's to smart to get into trouble like his pet humans do.

Sokka's quick fix: If there is even the most remote chance that it can be solved with violence, then act like a tough warrior and try to beat the tar out of whoever's bugging you. If there is no such chance, then leave it to Katara. She's ALWAYS got a plan. And when you aren't fighting, eat.

Katara's quick fix:...Not really a valid question, is it? Tried stealing once, though that didn't exactly work out too well. But it did set her up with Zuko...

Fire Lord Ozai's quick fix: Try to take over the world. Not exactly quick, causes more problems than it fixes, but seriously, this man is a maniac anyway. Which is why he's being kept busy by all the rabid Zuko fans with butcher knives who are shouting "off with his head!". Masako Moonshade happens to be at their head.


	2. Reuniting With Your Ex

Dedicated to Audrey Kasm; thanks for the review, and here the answers to your question:

"Good start. I have a problem that needs solving. Think you can help me out? My problem is I want to get back together with my ex-boyfriend but I don't know if he still has feelings or not. Do the characters have the answer? I can only wait and see."

**The Avatar's Guide to Reuniting With Your Ex**

Uncle Iroh's Ex Solution: "He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever." If you still feel for your ex, then there is no shame in trying to reunite with them. There may still be a chance to rekindle the fallen relationship.

Zuko's Ex Solution: Assume that your ex still cares about you. You don't really have anything to lose by trying again, so don't hold back! Hey, it might work with Ozai...

Zhou's Ex Solution: Forget your Ex: he's not worth your time or energy if he was dumb enough to break up with you. Get on with your life and be even happier than you were with him, and show him up.

Aang's Ex Solution: Even if he's not your True Love, you should try to be at least friends. That way, if something _is _meant to be, it'll most likely come into motion on its own.

Momo's Ex Solution: Hug your ex and act cute. He'll love you back for sure. And if he doesn't, hug your pet.

Suki's Ex Solution: Earn your ex's respect by showing him how well you can manage without him. If you want to win him back, you mustn't be too shy: just ask him to get back together with you. Make sure to kick his butt if he says no. But remember, be confident in yourself. Self confidence is worth its weight in gold.

Sokka's Ex Solution: First make sure that your family cough _brother_, cough approves of your ex. Then try giving him food. As they say, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

Katara's Ex Solution: Ask him about it. I can't think of any better advice. If he wants to get back together, then do, but make sure both of you are fine with it. If he doesn't, then trust his judgement.

Fire Lord Ozai's Ex Solution: Take over the world. Pass a law that your ex has to get back together with you. And run for your life if you want to survive the Zuko Fans.


	3. Dealing with a Deleted File

Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar.

Dedicated to Catalina Tavington

"So, what do you do when your little sister is busy deleting all of your hard gathered pics of various villains? She deleted Zuko, Tavington, and Ian Howe! God Bless, Catalina Tavington"

**The Avatar's Guide to Dealing with a Deleted File**

Uncle Iroh's Sister Fix: It is said that "The palest ink is better than the best memory". Save your pictures when you get them, and print the very precious ones. And calmly talk to your sister over a calming cup of Jinseng Tea.

Zhou's Sister Fix: Lock your sister in a dungeon, and then present her as a prisoner of war to your parents. Make sure to anounce her as a traitor. Then taunt Zuko and the other villians about how you managed to capture her and they all got deleted.

Aang's Sister Fix: She's your sister, so you have to love her. Just talk to her about it; most likely she was either playing or trying to look at them. Either way, it was probably just an innocent act, so forgive her. A picture may be worth a thousand words, but you can't play with one nearly as well as you can with a sister.

Momo's Sister Fix: Go outside and play with your sister. Poor human. That's what you get for spending so much time on that big glowing box of yours. And remember to play with your pets, too.

Suki's Sister Fix: Disaster comes easily to the unprepared. If you worked so hard on finding those pictures, you should have saved them, and in more than one place. Remember that since they were found once online, you will most likely be able to find them again.

Sokka's Sister Fix: Sisters. I know what you mean. They never listen to you, they whine a lot, they do stupid stuff when you're not looking...(gets hit over the head by Katara) ...Never mind...

Jet's Sister Fix: She deleted your pictures, eh? That settles it! She must be working under cover for the Fire Nation. Instigate rebellion! Bring those Fire Nation pigs to their knees! And if your parents yell at you (they clearly don't understand) then hide out in my tree hideout. We could use another spirited rebel like you.

Katara's Sister Fix: She's younger than you, and she probably didn't do it on purpose. You're going to have to teach her how to go through files without deleting them, but, that's about all you can really do.

Fire Lord Ozai's Sister Fix: Execute your sister and then take over the world. Good job on getting pictures of such valliant role models. Besides Zuko, of course... (runs away as the Zuko fan mob approaches).


	4. Working With Strangers

Today's post is dedicated to SaphireStars:

"My Mom volunteered me to help out at a backyard Bible club, but I'll be working with people that I barely know, and I'm an introvert... think that they could help?"

The Avatar's Guide to Working With Strangers

Uncle Iroh's Stranger Solution: It is said that "One kind word can warm three winter months." Be friendly, and bring food. Offer compliments when appropriate and you will go far. And don't forget to bring your favorite tea.

Zuko's Stranger Solution: People don't matter. You're at that club to get something done, so go and do it. Your mother is one of the _last_ people you want to fail. Forget those other people unless they hinder your mission. And if they do, it's war.

Zhou's Stranger Solution: Strangers, hm? Mingle with them, if need be. See if they can advance your position at all, pull yourself to the head of the class, and give a full (and flattering) report to your mother.

Aang's Stranger Solution: Start off with 'hi' and introduce yourself. Just be nice, and if you want to get people off your back, get them to talk about themselves.

Momo's Stranger Solution: Smile. Be cute. When the humans talk, nod and smile like you can understand a word they're saying. That usually works.

Suki's Stranger Solution: Show no fear in the face of adversity. Don't retreat back to the corners of the room if you feel uncomfortable, but defy your doubt and plunge into the heart of the battle. People will respect your courage and boldness. But remember not to be offensive. _That _would get you thrown to the Unagi...

Sokka's Stranger Solution: That's easy. Just go out and impress them with your dashing good looks, your incredible skills, and fine leadership qualities. They'll be begging you for autographs in no time. Ah, it's good to be number One.

Jet's Stranger Solution: Why are you asking me? I'm naturally charismatic. So...you want to join my rebel camp? I'm sure someone as pensive as you would make a _brilliant _tactician. A perfect opponent to that stinking Fire Nation.

Katara's Stranger Solution: Most likely, a few of the people will be as uncomfortable as you are. Make things easier for everyone and cooperate, and don't be cold when people approach you. Be yourself, and don't let nervousness get the best of you.

Fire Lord Ozai's Stranger Solution: These lesser mortals shall be my minions! Beat them into submission until they obey your every command, then use them to take over the world! Punish all those who fail mercilessly. Then use them as meat-shields to soften the blows of the angry mob of Zuko Fans which is _still_ coming after me. Now they've got flamethrowers...


	5. Dating Friends

Dedicated to Queen-of-Azarath:

"How do I know if my best guy friend likes me or just thinks of me as a friend? My friend Leor is acting rather strangely, but I don't know exactly what's going on. It's rather confusing, and I would like to know what he thinks of me. Okay, so I have a minor crush on him! "

The Avatar's Guide to Dating Friends

Uncle Iroh's Love Advice: I have come to understand that Fortune favors the Brave. If you do have a crush on him, act on it. Go ahead, bake him cookies. Make him tea. If he does like you, he'll understand. If not, you can just blame it on hormones or something.

Zuko's Love Advice: I don't have time for a love life! I have an Avatar to catch! But if I _did _have the time, I'd tell you to stay quiet. If he really does like you and he's enough of a man to admit it, he will. But don't crush him by telling him how attractive his best friend is.

Zhou's Love Advice: Love? What is this...'love'? Never heard of it. Now I feel slight self pity. So leave me alone while I go taunt Zuko (The Zuko Fan Mob decides to take a detour and attack Zhou.)

Aang's Love Advice: I would say...go talk to him about it. Telling girls about relationships is really _really hard_, and you should help him as much as possible by just asking him. But keep things light: you're still going to be friends either way, right? Just keep that in mind.

Momo's Love Advice: I love my humans. I think your human is swell, too. Are you going to keep him as a pet? They make wonderful pets, I think.

Suki's Love Advice: You're already pretty close friends, huh? Go ahead and let him make the first move, but if your crush on him advances, or it just takes him too long to talk, just come out and tell him about it already. Either he'll laugh about it or he'll admit that he likes you too. But a good friend like that won't just stop hanging out with you over something small like that.

Sokka's Love Advice: Trying to impress my girl didn't exactly work for me. Respecting her, however, got me my first kiss. Which I must say was nice. Very nice. But that's not the point. My point is...well, first of all, I agree with Iroh: bake your friend cookies. Anyway, back to my real point, respect him, and respect the fact that he can be a little dense. Just tell him that you like him, because trust me, he won't get any subtle hints you send him, throw at him, or beat him over the head with.

Jet's Love Advice: Even if he doesn't like you yet, I'm sure it's nothing that a little harmless seduction couldn't cure. And for your first date, how about you go raid a Fire Nation port? That would be _tons _of fun.

Katara's Love Advice: Acting stange isn't a sudden sign that your friend is in love with you. Maybe he's got a crush on some other girl, or maybe he's got something important on his mind. Don't jump to conclusions, but talk to him. Make sure he knows that he's been weird lately, and that you'd like to know what's up. If something bad is the cause, comfort him and be there for him like the friend you are (who knows, maybe he'll fall for you after whatever it is has passed!) and if it's something good, celebrate it. You can also ask him at any time if he likes any girls. Most likely, if it isn't you, he'll give you a name. If it is you...well, that is a mystery in itself. All guys respond differently to that one. And some (Cough, _Zuko_, Cough) react a hundred different ways on thier own.

Fire Lord Ozai's Love Advice: Take over the world, and then pass a law that your friend must go out with you, and make sure to make refusal punishable by death. Then hire several bodyguards to try to chase away the ever growing Zuko Fan Mob (though it is currently chasing Zhou), which has recently been equipped with grenades.


	6. Dealing With Mole People

Dedicated to Everto Angelus:

This is so much fun to read. happy face I have a question, though: What do you do if there is an army of evil Mole People living under your bed?

AN: Thank you to CountingTheDays and Mettanna who helped me come up with some of these while I was at camp.

**The Avatar's Guide to Dealing With Mole People**

Uncle Iroh's Mole Counsel: Offer them tea and befriend them. Then convince them to work in your garden. Mole People are excellent gardeners, you know!

Zuko's Mole Counsel: Use them to capture the Avatar. Then present them and the Avatar to Ozai. But keep one of them to send flowers to Katara, and assure her that she will always have your shoulder to cry on.

Zhou's Mole Counsel: Kill them all. Then throw their corpses at Zuko. That should really annoy him.

Aang's Mole Counsel: Make friends with them and keep them as pets!

Momo's Mole Counsel: Leave 'em alone. They don't have wings, do they? So they're already miserable enough without your help. If they get really annoying, though, you can just get your pet humans to get rid of them.

Sokka's Mole Counsel: Eat them: Season lightly with Paprika for that little zest and then deep fry them. It goes nicely with a pot of snipe stew, and especially with blubbered seal jerky. Makes for a most bodacious meal.

Jet's Mole Counsel: Mole People? I'm sure that you can convince them that they're being oppressed by the Fire Nation. Just think, and entire race of Mole People, joining our cause. We will bring those Fire Benders to their knees!

Katara's Mole Counsel: ...Mole people? Okay... I think you need to lay off the wine.

King Bumi's Mole Counsel: Mole People! How enjoyable! Invite them to a party, throw them a feast, and go mud wrestling with them! Invite Aang, too. He'll love it!

Fire Lord Ozai's Love Advice: Enslave the Mole People and make them help you take over the world. Then have them dig secret tunnels and pit traps so you can escape the Zuko Fan Mob which is still coming this way!


	7. Make Yourself Hott

Disclaimer: Do I honestly need to say it?

AN: Completely unrelated, but I was watching my Avatar tape with my little sister, and she pointed to Zuko and suddenly said, "Is he a boy? He looks like a girl." I nearly died laughing. But then, she's only about nine years old, and watches nothing but Full House and Disney shows like Lizzy McGuire (I'm not saying that that's a bad thing. But her knowledge of animated shows is highly limited.But sheautomatically assumes that everyone with long hair is a girl and anybody with short hair is a boy. And that wearing a ponytail makes you a girl, too.) And of course, I'm not about to tell her the whole birds and bees story just yet... Which kind of spurred on the completion of this chapter...

Dedicated to Queen of the Leos:

This is so sweet! Most of the Avatar stuff is so depressing, but this is a breath of fresh air. Could you do one like "How to make yourself hott" or something. I would love to see Zuko and Iroh's on that one. This is definitely going to help me on a bad day.

**The Avatar's Guide to Making Yourself Hott**

Uncle Iroh's Beauty Tips: Hotness must come from within, your majesty. But if I must... I suggest you eat. Eat plenty, and offer others food as well. Be courteous, and don't go easy on flattery. If others believe themselves to be attractive, they will also become more attracted to you.

Zuko's Beauty Tips: Not that I have time for relationships or concerns with personal appearances (I've already been stripped of my honor...grr...). But... why not? People already seem to think that I'm good looking, so I guess I'll help you out. First, get a sexy scar. Make sure it has a good story behind it, so people will feel sympathetic towards you and dote over you like lovesick kittens. Then wear armor during a majority of your free time (girls love a man in uniform). Shave most of your head, except for a long ponytail in the back that swishes around in a seductive manner. The power over fire seems to have good results, too... Work out constantly to have a Greek God's physique, and emit that determined bad boy aura that drives women insane. And have incredible hidden grace, agility and skill so that when you actually need to fight, you look incredibly hott while doing so. Even when you wear a mask over your sexy scar.

Zhou's Beauty Tips: I understand that sideburns are very masculine. Get those. And wear a toga over your clothes. It'll make everyone love and admire you. If all else fails, plastic surgery will do you wonders.

Aang's Beauty Tips: Shave your head and get a continuous arrow tattooed all over your body. And those really big, come-penguin-sledding-with-me eyes. Look completely innocent during every moment of the day and be completely fun loving. People will adore you.

Momo's Beauty Tips: Groom your fur about twice a week. Keep your tail nice and long and make sure there are no bugs or pieces of fruit stuck in your teeth or wings.

Sokka's Beauty Tips: Become friends with celebrities. Like the Avatar. Suddenly, people will be hanging all over you.

Jet's Beauty Tips: Constantly chew on a toothpick, move like a cat, have a one track mind and ruthlessly manipulate everyone around you into doing your bidding and thinking that you are hopelessly attractive. You are amazing, by the way. So talented... Anyway, as I was saying...

Katara's Beauty Tips: Don't listen to them (dons a blindfold so she won't be tempted to stare at Zuko). Attractiveness comes from your personality. Be kind to people around you. If you must be obsessed with your appearance, dress in nice clothes, and wear things that suit you. And don't stare uncontrollably at the attractive Prince who is standing in the corner of the room...sexy...

Zuko: see? I told you it works.

Masako Moonshade: Three guesses to which pairing I support.

King Bumi's Beauty Tips: People admire an extravagant dresser. They will admire your boldness and brazen attitude! Also tell lots of jokes and puns to summon a good laugh. Lots of gaudy jewelry doesn't help, either. And purple! Wear lot's of purple! Make little outfits for the Mole People, too!

Fire Lord Ozai's Beauty Tips: Once you have conquered the world, pass a law that declares you to be the sexiest man alive. Have anyone who disagrees with you beheaded or banished. Or burnt at the stake. That's a good one, I'll have to remember that... I know, we can make it a barbecue! And I'll order everyone in the world to attend. And the crowd will be too thick for the Zuko Fan Mob to come through and get me!


	8. Dealing With Ignorant Friends

Disclaimer: Don't sue me, I own nothing. Otherwise the Zuko Fan Mob might just send a few agents to your door...

Dedicated to Star Wars Nut. Yes, I am _finally_ answering this:

Can you give me friendship advice? I'm not the newest member of my group of friends, but I'm treated like it. They all ignore me and act like I don't exist. What should I do?

P.S. I'm going to keep doing this until you do mine.

**The Avatar's Guide to Dealing with Ignorant Friends**

**Uncle Iroh's Friendly Advice**: Offer them... tea. Jasmine tea. While they drink it, make your problems known. Most likely they do not realize how you feel. But if they do, try going out and making new friends. I am confident that with your charm and steady supply of tea, you will soon have plenty!

**Zuko's Friendly Advice**: Whatever is wrong with them, it can be fixed in time. Give them gifts and show them that you are both capable and competent. Don't let your opinion of them ever lessen. Regardless of how they treat you, they're still your friends, and they will come around eventually. If all else fails, ask them what's wrong, and fix it.

**Zhou's Friendly Advice**: What are friends but roadblocks in your life? If they can't help you advance your position, then leave those idiots. Then get promoted and order them around. Have them do something foul, like latrine duty... Or make them help you taunt Zuko.

**Aang's Friendly Advice**: First go out and do something you really enjoy. Like riding giant kangaroos or flying. Stay friends with them, but try making friends with other people. Don't limit yourself to a couple of people, especially if they don't appreciate you.

**Momo's Friendly Advice**: Your pet humans need some serious training. Try whacking them on the nose and saying 'bad'. Or don't give them any treats until they realize what they did was wrong.

**Jet's Friendly Advice**: Shower them with compliments, praise, etc, and use your overwhelming charisma to get them to obey your every command. Then use them to help you overthrow the Fire Nation.

**Katara's Friendly Advice**: I would say that your friends have some problems of their own. Be nice to them, and offer to help them in any way possible. If they just refuse to accept you, try going out and doing things on your own once in a while. Go to parties, to events, whatever you enjoy doing. Most likely you'll find people there that like the same things you do, and if you just put forward a little effort, you'll find yourself with new friends. Better friends, who like you for you and acknowledge you the way you deserve to be. Don't shortchange yourself.

**King Bumi's Friendly Advice**: Throw them...a feast. Then refurbish a dungeon to make it luxuriously comfortable and throw them there. And then make them do ridiculous and embarrassing things so you can have a good laugh. And then give them money. And then talk to them about how you feel. But first make sure to make them dress up in goofy outfits.

**Fire Lord Ozai's Friendly Advice**: Take over the world and then force them to acknowledge you. Or just throw them in the dungeon and force other people to be your minions...I mean, friends. Or you could 'promote' your old friends to the army, and send them to try and ward off the Zuko Fan Mob which has recently acquired laser swords.


	9. Eating Pudding

Disclaimer: Would you look at that? I own nothing.

Dedicated to Immortal Cavechick:

Well... this is my problem... I want pudding... really really bad... but where I come from it forbidden. How do I get it with out getting caught?

**The Avatar's Guide to Eating Pudding**

**Uncle Iroh's Pudding Parley**: What? Food is forbidden? I must do something! Come, Prince Zuko! We must intervene before this escalates into an international crisis!

**Zuko's Pudding Parley**: Try and fail to avoid being pulled into a plot to save pudding that has been orchestrated by your deranged uncle. Then infiltrate the castle of whoever forbade the pudding and 'liberate' it.

**Zhou's Pudding Parley**: Move up in rank by doing whatever necessary and killing whoever stands in your way. When you have gained enough rank, change the rules so you can eat all the pudding you want while all those lousy idiots who stood in your way watch and drool. Mwuhahahaha

**Aang's Pudding Parley**: Leave the country for a while on your Flying Bison. Use a good excuse, like, 'I'm going out to visit my friend Bumi...' then 'lose' your bison for a while so you become stranded in whatever country will allow you to eat pudding. America is one of these. So is the Water Nation.

**Momo's Pudding Parley**: Ewww...pudding. You do realize that it's full of stuff that's just plain bad for you. So leave behind the pudding drones that are taking over your life. Learn to live organic. It's a lot tastier.

**Jet's Pudding Parley**: Become an anarchist and boycott the Fire Nation's stupid pudding. You don't need their trash in your throat.

**Sokka's Pudding Parley**: What? No pudding? That is so unfair! Summon an army of small children and snipes to go after the heads of government and regain your right to tasty deserts!

**Katara's Pudding Parley**: Hmm... Try sneaking out of the house for a while and buying pudding on your own, then eating it just outside the store. Or put it in a cup so that it looks like milk. If you are eating chocolate pudding, claim you're drinking chocolate milk. Problem solved.

**Fire Lord Ozai's Pudding Parley**: Join me in my plot to take over the word. In exchange for unfaltering loyalty and acting as a meat shield against the Zuko Fan Mob, I will give you all the pudding you could want while you reign at my side.


	10. Not Kicking People's Butts

Dedicated to the Violent Tomboy:

This is really good. Here's a question. How do I stop myself from beating the crap out of people when they tick me off?

**The Avatar's Guide to Not Kicking People's Butts**

**Uncle Iroh's Temper Suggestions**: You really need to drink some tea. It does wonders for your nerves. Relax! Open a few windows, invite a few friends over for Music Night! Invite everyone to your favorite restaurant for dinner. And may I suggest the garlic shrimp? It is divine.

**Zuko's Temper Suggestions**: Study martial arts. And practice meditation. These will bring you inner peace and give you the level head that is expected of a leader... And when all else fails, go ahead and beat the tar out of them. They deserve it.

**Zhou's Temper Suggestions**: Kill. Them. All. And when you're done, give their corpses and belongings to the Fire Lord as gifts so he'll advance your rank even more.

**Aang's Temper Suggestions**: Hm... probably what I said in chapter one. Animal riding. Actually, a lot of the advice in chapter one applies here.

Masako: That's because almost all of the trouble you guys get into comes from a bad temper. Somewhere along the line.

Aang: You've got a point.

Zuko: She does not!

Katara: Stop it, you guys.

Zuko: (Dusts himself off and tries to look manly)

Katara: Must...stop...staring...

Masako: While I finish blindfolding Katara, keep this in mind: refer back to chapter one.

**Momo's Temper Suggestions**: Forget beating anything out of anybody. You have bigger problems. Ticks! That's terrible. Completely terrible. You need to go see a vet, or get some kind of bug spray or something. And hurry!

**Suki's Temper Suggestions**: Go ahead, but don't hurt anyone. Just show them that they should think twice before messing with you. Or calling you girly.

**Sokka's Temper Suggestions**: Temper? What temper?

**Jet's Temper Suggestions**: So I understand that you're good at beating people to a pulp. How about you join me and my troops? Together, we can beat down the entire irritating Fire Nation! What do you say?

**Katara's Temper Suggestions**: Breathe. I'm serious. Just take a deep breath and count to ten. I know it sounds cliche, but it really does work. Most of the people who bother you probably don't mean to, so you should give them the benefit of the doubt and leave them alone. Or better yet, talk to them about it. Kindly tell them what's bothering you and politely ask them to stop, or just walk away.

**Fire Lord Ozai's Temper Suggestions**: So you like to beat people up, hm? Very good. Tell you what: you can come join me as I take over the world, and I will pay you handsomely to beat up all who oppose us! And for protecting me from the Zuko Fan Mob.


	11. School Vs Sleep

Disclaimer: Must I say it? Honestly? Okay, fine. I own nothing. Except the Zuko Fan Mob, which will hunt you down if you try to sue me. Lawyers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.

Dedicated to Katara183: I have a question: My dad keeps on making me go to bed earlier and waking me up earlier in preparation for school. But, school doesn't start until like 5 weeks from now! It's only August! I don't even have my schedule for this year! What should I do? Should I do what I've been doing and stay up really late on my computer while my parents are sleeping and when I'm woken up just go back to sleep or should I start shifting my schedule? Help me! P.S. My dad leaves for work when he wakes me up.

**The Avatar's Guide to Sleep and School**

Uncle Iroh's Sleep Solution: "Early to rise and early to bed, makes a man healthy, but socially dead..." I think that just about covers it...you might try bartering with your father...play him a game of Pai Sho, or offer him some tea...

Moonshade: What in the world are you complaining about? Some of us started school a long time ago... And I'm seriously wishing that I started sleeping earlier. Sleep is good. Take lots of naps. _LOTS_.

Zuko's Sleep Solution: _Sleep_? Who needs sleep? Who needs _school_? There's an Avatar to catch! I personally have stayed up for three days searching for him. So go forth! Do more research, and find the Avatar for me. And when you find him... tell me... and I'll...capture...(falls asleep...) ZZZZZzzzzz...

Zhou's Sleep Solution: Do as your father says. Soon you will gain his trust and will earn the freedom to stay up as long as you want. And then you can advance in rank and in his favor. And then you can start asking for more privileges. Like...I don't know...an...iPod...car...pony...irradiated plutonium...a small country...

Aang's Sleep Solution: Try to compromise. Get on the computer during the day, and get into a school appropriate sleeping pattern. Or you could go out and go penguin sledding while you still have free time to do so...

Momo's Sleep Solution: Silly humans and their silly schools. This is why Lemurs rule the world. But you just don't know it yet because we want you to have high self esteem.

Haru's Sleep Solution: Father! (Glomps his father) Do as he says. He's looking out for your best interests. And he loves you very much. And he's secretly an Earthbender, so it's not exactly the smartest thing to get him mad...

Appa's Sleep Solution: Mrooooaaarr... (Rest is good. Get plenty of it.)

Sokka's Sleep Solution: Humor the authority figure. Because your father feeds you. Whether he's right or wrong, you've still got to live with him. So keep the man happy. And keep eating his food.

Jet's Sleep Solution: ANARCHY! We must band together and take down this oppressive 'School' and the father who supports it. It is clearly a ploy of the Fire Nation. But fear not—we WILL triumph! Join me, and we will _crush_ those dogs and their insane sleep patterns!

Fire Lord Ozai's Sleep Solution: Sleep is for the weak. And the really, _really_ tired... But your defiant spirit will serve me well in my army! The hours are 8 PM to 6 AM, which should fit your night owl schedule perfectly. And you will be able to take over the night shift of my bodyguard squad and help ward off the Zuko Fan Mob! And hurry, they'll be here at dusk!


	12. Dealing with Stalkers

Disclaimer: There's something to be said about beating a dead horse. Don't do it. Cuz no matter how many times you hit it, it isn't going anywhere. These disclaimers are the same way: no matter how many times I write them, nobody's going to read them anyway. Next time, I think I'll write something completely obscure and see if anybody notices.

Dedicated to all of the people who requested I write about Stalkers. So here you are:

**The Avatar's Guide to Getting Rid of Stalkers **

Uncle Iroh's Stalker Solutions: It was once said that the pursuit of impossibilities is the mark of a madman. I suggest that you notify the authorities... or at least notify a close, protective friend who has access to anything large and blunt or sharp and pointy.

Zuko: Uncle, what were you saying just now?

Iroh: ...Nothing, Prince Zuko. I was just...commenting on this tea. It's Ginseng. My favorite, you know. Would you like a cup?

Zuko's Stalker Solutions: I'm not sure why you would really want to get rid of stalkers. We're a lot of fun, actually...wait...that came out wrong. I'm not a stalker. Anyway, just ignore them, or talk to them and find out what they want. And if they want the Avatar, kill them and spare me the competition.

Zhou's Stalker Solutions: Stalkers? I don't have a problem with stalkers. I hire them. If you really need help, than get someone creepier to stalk them. See how your little foe likes _that_... Hahaha...

Aang's Stalker Solutions: Trust me, if I had any idea, we wouldn't have much of a show airing right now. You can try talking to them, I guess. And...hm...this Avatar thing is pretty hard. I guess if all else fails, learn some good self defense. I don't recommend that you use it, but stalkers can be really scary-

Katara: And sexy...I mean...easily agitated.

Aang:...okay...anyway, you should probably have some way to stay safe if worse comes to worse.

Momo's Stalker Solutions: Stalkers? Those sound like ticks. And ticks are just plain nasty. If that's the case, you just pick them out of your fur and eat them. They can be quite tastey, if you prepare them just right...

Suki's Stalker Solutions: Kick. His. Butt. Must I say more? Then kindly inform him that if he feels the need to be around you at all hours of the day, then you'll be sure to visit him at the hospital.

Sokka's Stalker Solutions: Step 1) Pick up a club. Step 2) approach the person who is stalking your sister with a menacing glare on your face. Step 3) Whack them over the side of the head with the club. Do you understand? It's very simple. And just to further clarify my point: ZUKO, HARU, JET, STAY AWAY FROM MY SISTER!

Jet's Stalker Solutions: Stalkers must be both determined and resourceful to be successful...I recommend that you join forces with him and then come to me. We can use his great stalking skills to freak out the Fire Nation's cowardly soldiers! Watch those scumbags cower in fear!

Katara's Stalker Solutions: First of all, don't listen to Jet. I suggest that you just talk to your stalker, and let them know that they're making you uncomfortable. If that doesn't work, tell someone about it and getting help. I have to agree with Aang; self defense is key, just in case, but remember not to go nuts every time you accidentally run into an unfamiliar character.

Fire Lord Ozai's Stalker Solutions: One? One stalker? Consider yourself lucky! I have to deal with a few hundred of these rabid Fan Mob members! I'd be willing to trade with you any time.


	13. Omake Part 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**Black Skies Omake Part I**

**Author's note**:This isn't advice...okay, so it kind of is.But I recommend you don't follow it unless a family member is dating a seriously twisted guy.This is random, never actually took place in the course of the story where it was originally posted (Worth Fighting For), and can potentially give you brain damage. This one was dreamed into reality by my brother (18). Again, this was my brother's idea, put into my words.

This makes sense anyway, but I recommend you read 'Drawn to the Blackened Skies' if you want to completely understand it.

* * *

Sokka grumbled to himself. It wasn't _his _fault Zuko was so perverted. But of _course_, Katara blamed him for 'overreacting.' _Sisters_. He irritably kicked at a rock when he heard a deafening roar.

There was a flash of light, a burst of flame, and he leaped out of the way just as a monsterous creature rushed at him, toppling several trees in the pursuit, leaving fiery tracks behind it before it finally stopped. It could have been some kind of deformed rhino, but it had no head, no horns or tail; only a long, flat body and huge, glowing eyes. Sokka drew his boomerang. He was scared out of his wits, but whatever this...thing...was, he would keep it away from Katara and Aang.

Zuko could fend for himself.

There was a terrible hiss- a battle cry?- and the creature stretched what appeared to be a wing from the side of its body. Sokka prepared to strike, when his stare was caught by the figure of a human.

Or at least, it looked human enough. It seemed to be a young man, a few years older than Sokka was, dressed in the most demonic looking clothes he had ever seen. And he had really big hair. The man stepped away from the now prone creature, looking rather confused.

"Erm...sorry," he said. Sokka only stared.

"Didn't mean to scare you," the man appologized. Sokka's eyes narrowed.

"You didn't scare anyone," he said mulishly. It was a blatant lie, of course, but that was beside the point. The man looked uneasy.

"...Well...Sorry, anyway. I'm Michael, by the way. Michael J. Fox." He extended a hand in hopeful greeting. Sokka stared at him suspiciously, but grudgingly accepted the gesture.

"I'm Sokka," he said.

/Later/

"You're kidding!" Michael exclaimed. "You mean this really isn't 1957?"

"Whatever that is, no," Sokka said frankly.

"Darn! I must have really messed up that flux capacitor... I've got to get going."

"All right..." Sokka muttered, still trying to sort out what the young man had said. Michael returned to his pet monster (he had named it 'Car'), and shuffled around behind its wing before returning to Sokka's side, holding some kind of long steel rod.

"I've got something for you.To helpwith your sister's boyfriend." He proudly handed the rod to the Water Tribe warrior, who stared quizically at it.

"Thanks. What is it?"

"This is called a Shotgun," Michael said proudly.

"And what does it do?"

"It gets rid of boyfriends. All you have to do is point this end," he poked the hollow end of the 'shotgun', "At Zuko."

"And that'll get rid of him?"

"More or less." Sokka felt a grin beginning to cross his face.

"And what if it doesn't work?" he asked.

"Then you point it at a tree,pull this lever, and then point it back at him."

"Thanks!" Sokka said cheerfully. Michael grinned.

"Glad to help. Now I've really got to go."

"Where?"

"Back to the Future!"

A moment later he was gone.


	14. Firebender Obsession

Disclaimer: If I owned anything, I think I'd be bragging about it.

AN: I'm back! Writer's block is a killer, and I just happened to get a hilarious review from Sassy, which inspired my glorious comeback. I'll probably write again soon!

**Dedicated to Sassy: ... I think its time to admit that I have a problem. ... Hi, I'm Sassy, and I'm addicted to worshiping aloof, dangerously attractive, devilishly good-looking guys that have an obsession for playing with fire ... AND I LIKE IT!**

**The Avatar's Guide to Firebending Obsessions**

Uncle Iroh's Obsession Proposition: ...I'm glad you like me, but I have a feeling that I'm a bit too old for you. But if you'd like, we can talk about it over a nice cup of tea...

Zuko's Obsession Proposition: Stop playing with my uncle and leave us alone! I have an Avatar to catch! And quit hugging me- kidnapping me won't make Uncle Iroh like you any more!

Zhou's Obsession Proposition: It's about time somebody came around and gave me some credit. That stupid banished prince though he had me beaten with his Fan Mob...I can't wait to see the look on his face when I show him that _I _have a fangirl!

Aang's Obsession Proposition: Er...Sorry if nobody else is helping you...so now for _real_ advice for your problem: Firebenders can be dangerous, but that's not the point. I don't think it's too healthy to worship people like that...especially if it's an addiction. I think therapy can help with that. Or you could try getting a hobby or something that doesn't have anything to do with Firebenders...and doesn't remind you of them...crud...but spending every waking moment around them isn't going to help, I swear...And I should start taking my own advice sooner or later...Katara...

Momo's Obsession Proposition: Silly human. You shouldn't be worshiping the Firebender. You should be worshiping your 'pet' lemur, who is really pulling all the strings in your life. Trust me on this one- if you make him happy, only good things will happen to you.

Katara's Obsession Proposition: Okay, that's a bit...weird. I guess I can see where you're coming from...even if he is a Firebender, it isn't his fault he's good looking...and tall...and...Okay. I promised myself I'd stop this. Tell you what- send me a messenger hawk, and we can go into rehab together.

Sokka's Obsession Proposition: Okay...A bit freaky, but I _think_ I've seen worse...until I think of what it could possibly be, here's my advice: if they obsess over fire, then they're not worth it. He'll probably look right past all your advances and keep staring at a flare for hours on end. More trouble than they're worth, I'm telling you. And even if he does give you the time of day, he'll probably be a jerk. Seriously- looks aren't everything. Neither are dangerous obsessions.

Jet's Obsession Proposition: You traitor! _Worshiping Firebenders?_ How twisted can you get? That's it- you're the target of our next raid. I wouldn't go to sleep if I were you...

Fire Lord Ozai's Obsession Proposition: Finally! Somebody who _isn't_ a member of the Zuko Fan Mob! You have no idea how long I've waited for this. And thank you for grabbing my son- though the Fan Mob will probably kill you for touching him, it'll keep them distracted while I escape! Keep trying to kiss him, too- that'll keep them busy for a while...


	15. Hugeungous Crushes

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the Zuko Fan Mob, which I will sick on whoever tries to sue me for claiming to own Avatar. Because I don't own it. Avatar, I mean.

Disclaimer II: the Sequel: Yeah...in case it wasn't obvious, this is still a comedy. Not everything is meant to be taken as advice. Some of it is, though.

AN: I LIVE! Thank you to everyone who sent in more questions and problems, and please don't hurt me for not updating this in so long.

Dedicated to Pill-Z: I have a hugeungous crush on this guy at school, and he has a lot of issues. But he makes me smile and he's nice, and cute and funny and smart! He's perfect, I can't help it! What should I do!

**The Avatar's Guide to Hugeungous Crushes**

Uncle Iroh Uncrushed: Trust me, I have experience with boys who have issues. You must exercise patience, and try to gently guide him through them. Be there for him, and let him know he has your full support. He is going through a hard time in his life, and it is important that he knows you are willing to see him through it.

Zuko Uncrushed: _Issues_? I don't have _"issues"_! Erhem...But regardless...Give him space when he needs it. And don't be quick to take offense. People have a way of saying...the wrong things...when they're upset.

Zhao Uncrushed: "Zhao uncrushed." Yeah. That's _real_ funny. Tell me, do you have _any_ idea how many million pounds are pushing down on every square inch of your body at the bottom of the sea? No? I can! And let me tell you, it's not fun. At. All.

Aang Uncrushed: Oooh. Crushes are a tricky business. Trust me, I know. First things first: everyone is going to have issues. Absolutely everyone. The fact that you already know a lot of this guy's is a good sign that you know a lot about him. The big thing is to be his friend. And don't compare kissing with death. That's really not a good idea.

Momo Uncrushed: Well, there was this really pretty female lemur once... Oh. Right. Give him fruit, look cute, and everything will work out. It worked for me.

Sokka Uncrushed: ...Are we allowed to not relate this at all to personal experiences? Let him choose his own path, but support him. People will do things sometimes that won't be best for them, but at times like those, the only thing you can do is offer your advice.

Katara Uncrushed: Erm...Yes. I think one of the first things you have to figure out is if he isn't either being arrested, trying to slaughter innocent villagers, or...sorry, oggling...or trying to capture your best friend and lock him in a tiny cell for the rest of eternity... Anyway...Sometimes, distance is important. Know your limits, and know yourself. I don't doubt you, but I don't think you can reform Freddy Krueger or anything like that. Don't turn your back on him, but if he's too much for you, then don't push yourself.

Fire Lord Ozai Uncrushed: First, go out with me. Then, you can keep these stupid rabid Zuko Fan Mob members away from me. I mean it. If you love me, you will. And you do love me, don't you?


	16. Being Uncool

Disclaimer: Do you seriously still think that I own Avatar? If so, I think you'd be interested in buying some real estate on Venus...

Dedicated to **ScissorHero**:

_I'm just so cool that people just flock to me! I don't even mean to be! how do I make myself less cool? _

And so, after a Hiatus that has spanned the longer half of Eternity, I bring you:

**THE AVATAR'S GUIDE TO BEING UNCOOL!!!!!**

Uncle Iroh's Cool Purge: Being 'cool' is overrated. It is infinitely more important to be true to yourself. But if you truly wish to be 'uncool', then I suggest drinking alcohol (instead of tea! _For shame_.), smoking, or using such foul substances as opium. Few things can faster turn an honorable man or woman into a vile cretin

Zuko's Cool Purge: That was a hard one. Do you realize that it took me _two seasons _to get rid of all the fangirls?!? If you want to rid yourself of all those people who won't leave you alone, all it takes is a massive, publicly televised betrayal that sends the entire community into shock, perhaps even killing a handful with a few tactfully placed heart attacks. It works every time.

Zhou's Cool Purge: Well, you could always try being alive. For some reason, my popularity spiked after I died...go figure. I suggest serving someone amazing like the Fire Lord, who's amazing reputation can only mute your own, especially when the Zuko Fan Mob arrives.

Azula's Cool Purge: Cool? Who needs to be cool? I'm the hottest thing out there, and nobody can compare with me. Especially my idiot brother, who has so predictably destroyed his reputation...as well as a large portion of his fan mob. But rest assured, dear Zuko Fans, you can come, but _I will destroy you all_.

Aang's Cool Purge: Hmm...leading the local village into lethal danger tends to lower my popularity ratings. But I'll have to get back to you on that. Running away from home, too. But if it's just people flocking you that's your problem, then I suggest an Air Scooter, or maybe a Flying Bison to get you out of there fast.

Momo's Cool Purge: Silly human. Don't get your hopes up--you're cute, but I have to say that you've still got a long way to go before you're as cool as me. But if you don't want to be cool, just don't act like me, and we should be fine.

Sokka's Cool Purge: That's a toughie. You could mess up a haiku... or say something really stupid to somebody that you really like...or act like a sexist bigot in front of the very group that you are insulting...or a lot of other things...or you could just hide under a rock for an episode or two while you recover.

Jet's Cool Purge: Uncool? As in getting warmer? I knew it! You're going to join the Fire Nation! Katara can't get mad at me for this--I've got evidence this time! And I'm going to beat the living tar out of you, you Fire Nation scum!

Katara's Cool Purge: Have you tried asking Sokka yet? If that doesn't work (I'm kidding, Sokka!), then...you can try attaining a few powers that make logical sense but make you lean towards an arbitrary definition of Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu. Or better yet, you can actually _write _one of these and suffer the cruel punishment for such a heinous crime. I understand that mild Sues merit decapitation at least. And for anyone who hasn't been paying attention, I can't fly yet, so at _least _I should get credit for that!

Fire Lord Ozai's Cool Purge: _WHAT_? My son is no longer cool?!?!?! This must be my lucky day! Does this mean that the Zuko Fan Mob will finally leave me alone?!?! This calls for celebration! Flaming Hot Fire Chips for all!...Oh dear...I think I see Moonshade on the horizon..._Quick, Zhao! Azula! Get the catapults_! We must fend off the remnants of the Zuko Fan Mob before they--**_arghemf_**!


	17. Making People Like You

Disclaimer: For today's disclaimer, I'm borrowing Schultz from _Hogan's Heroes_: _I see nothing! I hear nothing! Moonshade owns NOTHING!_

AN: Because I haven't already been shot for my lack of Avatar updates in general, I make this humble offering to my readers. Enjoy.

This one's dedicated to my most recent reviewer, ZukoXKatara1010 (nice name, by the way!):

_"Can u make one for how to make someone like u?"_

So here's (drumroll, please):

**The Avatar's Guide to Making Someone ****Like**** You!**

Uncle Iroh's Likable Logic: What I've found works best is to just be kind—and spouting quirky bits of wisdom never hurt anyone, either. It's not always immediate, and it may not always keep people from hurting you, but it's a great start. And a charming smile and flattering word never hurt anyone, either.

Zuko's Likable Logic: Apparently, sacrificing what you want most for the sake of what's right does wonders for people's view of you. Sporadically betraying those who love you? Not so much. But hey, it helped scrape off some of the fangirls, so maybe it's not _too_ bad…

Zhao's Likable Logic: First off, it helps to be a decorated and dedicated servant of the Fire Nation. And… though I seriously don't recommend it, dying a deeply symbolic death that is consistent with all my beliefs and values definitely tips the scales n your favor. Not that you get to enjoy the full extent of the love from the Spirit World…

Aang's Likable Logic: I think you need to be more specific about which kind of "Like" you mean. I'm currently living out an existence as the pet/son of the love of my life. Yeah. Still looking for advice on that matter myself. Just a hint, though: don't go to Sokka for help.

Jet's Likable Logic: Sexy moves, a sexy sword, fun, bushy hair. A little bit of admittedly crazed obsession, coupled with a change of heart… and then a couple more changes of heart, just for good measure. Play up the pity a little bit, and then break the ladies' hearts with a tragic death. Yeah. That'll get 'em for sure.

Meng's Likable Logic: Food didn't work. Playing with my hair didn't work. Outright confession didn't work. Sometimes it just isn't meant to be. For everything else, there's chloroform.

Long Feng's Likable Logic: When in doubt, brainwashing works wonders. Just find yourself a good hypnotist and a sufficiently creepy underground base, and you're set!

Momo's Likable Logic: Become a lemur. That does so much for your popularity. After all, who would possibly like a _human_?

Sokka's Likable Logic: Girls definitely like poetry. And good hair, and my five-star personality—you know the one, all suave with just a dash of humor? Oh, yeah. Get that down, and you're bound to be loved. Just make sure you don't have any kind of supernatural killing streak before you kiss anyone.

Katara's Likable Logic: The first order of business is to find a powerful bender… never mind. Really, they've got to like you for who you are. So just be yourself, and thousands of crazed fanfiction writers will pair the two of you up anyway, emphasizing all your best qualities until you become harder to resist than Helen of Troy. But at least foreshadow some sort of relationship with the person of your choosing, or else you'll get paired with some real weirdoes.

Pakku's Likable Logic: What's not to like? Just woo her with your unbeatable talent and your staunch traditional values and… and… excuse me while I glare at the wall.

Fire Lord Ozai's Likable Logic: I have two words for you: Smexy Goatee. That, world domination and some killer abs will make you the apple of anyone's eye. And the more people who are desperately in love with you, the more meat-shields you will have between yourself and the remnants of the Zuko Fan Mob. And besides, once you rule the world, you can just execute anyone who doesn't like you.


	18. Sticky Relationships

Disclaimer: Still own zip. Yep. You know how it is.

This session of the Avatar's Guide is dedicated to **TrueThinker**, with a bit of a tricky issue:

_I like my boyfriend's best friend now, instead of my boyfriend who likes me but I can no longer stand. (I'd rather pursue then be pursued. I mean, where's the fun in the person liking you back?) I'm not sure what my boyfriend would think about me leaving him for his best friend, who is dating my friend. Now I hate my boyfriend and my best friend. It's very complicated. What should I do?_

So here's to you, TrueThinker:

**The Avatar's Guide to Sticky Relationships**

Uncle Iroh's Subtle Suggestion: I advise you to think carefully before you do anything rash. A young man's heart can be delicate, and such pain can take a long time to heal. Wait, and weigh your options. Consider your next moves as you would a game of Pai Sho.

Zuko's Subtle Suggestion: Rather pursue than be pursued, huh? Honestly, I have to agree with you there—there's nothing good about being a refugee. But don't waste your time with small fry like some ordinary kid. Set your sights higher—especially if you know you'll only lose interest as soon as he's yours. For you, I recommend chasing after the Avatar. Join me, and together we can reclaim my honor!

Zhao's Subtle Suggestion: I know exactly what you need—meet me at the North Pole with a sushi kit. We'll destroy your boyfriend and the moon at once, and then his friend will be in your power! The Fire Lord will promote us for sure.

Meng's Subtle Suggestion: I saw him first …Floozy.

Mai's Subtle Suggestion: Boys are… stupid. Don't waste your time with them.

Momo's Subtle Suggestion: Boyfriends. Phsh. Why don't you get a nice, cuddly lemur instead?

Sokka's Subtle Suggestion: Having boyfriend issues, hm? You know, I do a lot of traveling, so you'd never get tired of me, and being the great hunter that I am, I've done my share of pursuing. So why don't you ditch those boys and go out with me?

Azula's Subtle Suggestion: Congratulations. Backstabbing like that is precisely what I'm looking for in my followers. Consider joining me—I'm sure I can make it worth your while.

Katara's Subtle Suggestion: This is a bad situation to be in. As far as relationships go, two things are always off limits: your best friend's boyfriend and your boyfriend's best friend. (Which is why Zuko is a completely acceptable option, actually.) Even if it's nothing personal, that is guaranteed to be misinterpreted, and you'll likely lose both your reputation and your friendships—and in the long run, what you could possibly gain isn't worth what you've lost. If you don't like your boyfriend anymore, just break it off with him. Wait, hunt around for other guys (preferably none which have been homicidal maniacs at any point in history, just to be on the safe side… I'm still smarting about Jet.). You'll be amazed how many cute ones you'll find if you just keep your eyes open.

Pakku would like to refrain from speaking, as he is currently attempting to mutilate one of his students for bringing up 'that thing with him and that Kanna girl'.

Fire Lord Ozai's Subtle Suggestion: Who cares what your petty boyfriend thinks? Join me in taking over the world, and we can have him executed—and then his little friend will be yours for the taking.

AN: And a special shout out to KitKat1327 who came with this quandry about two and a half weeks ago:

_My final exams are a few days and I keep procrastinating. I know that I really need to study, but I keep getting distracted by TV shows and my stalker obsession over Zuko. Can you guys give me some advice to motivate me?_

So here's the real quick extra:

**The Avatar's Guide to (Not) Procrastinating!**

Masako's Procrastination Sensation: ... Um... Considering how bad I am at this kind of thing myself, I would probably not be the best person to help you with this. Guys?

Zuko's Procrastination Sensation: Don't look at me. Two and a half years and I _still_ haven't caught the Avatar.

Aang's Procrastination Sensation: Sorry, but I just saw a Mooselion, and I really need to ride it...

Sokka's Procrastination Sensation: ...Wait, you want to do work? You can do it tomorrow, can't you?

Katara's Procrastination Sensation: Well... I guess putting it off just a little couldn't hurt... but you really need to sit down and focus.

Avatar Roku's Procrastination Sensation: Did I not say that they had a job to finish? Quickly? Flirting and playing around with animals may be entertaining, but it is unimportant for now. Time is of the--

Aang: Look, Katara! A _Penguin_!

Avatar Roku: ... Forget it.


	19. Making Excuses

Disclaimer: Don't own anything but the idea for this little 'column'.

AN: Sorry about the lateness of the update. It's my negligence, so please forgive me. And this one applies especially to me, dedicated to **BitterSw33t:**

"I've got this friend who makes excuses for EVERYTHING, even stupid things that don't even need an explanation. When she's being a jerk, when she orders food, when she wears her hair a certain way, and just about everything else. I've never heard her take responsibility for anything she does. And it's always her mom, or her hormones (and I don't believe that she's had PMS for the past six years straight) or something, and I'm really getting sick of it. I don't want to play mommy for someone who always acts like she's seven. How am I supposed to deal with this?"

That's a tough one, Bitter, but we'll see what the cast of Avatar has to say about your conundrum in

**The Avatar's Guide to Making Excuses**

Iroh's Good Excuse: Everyone has faults and shortcomings. Those of your friend seem to stand out now, but I am sure that you have habits of your own of which you are unaware. Try not to forget that she is human, as are you, and that even annoying actions are worthy of forgiveness.

(Late Third Season) Zuko's Good Excuse: Speaking as someone who's been reformed from... um... bad things like that myself, I know that that it's hard. Sometimes things happen that your friend can't control, and she's probably feeling trapped. She probably wants you to like her, so she wants to distance herself from anything that might make you like her less. And yes, I know, most of the time doing that just makes things worse.

Long Feng's Good Excuse: There are no excuses. Your friend is fine. It is you who has the problem. You should join the Dai Lee and help me conquer Ba Sing Sei. There are no excuses. Your friend is fine. It is you who has the problem. You should join the Dai Lee and help me conquer Ba Sing Sei...

Joo Dee's Good Excuse: There are no excuses. My friends are fine. I'm going to join the Dai Lee and help conquer Ba Sing Sei...

Aang's Good Excuse: I'm kinda agreeing with Iroh. People aren't perfect, and you can't really expect them to be. But at the same time, you can't just let her walk all over you and never take responsibility for her actions. There's a line that has to be drawn, and you have to decide where that is.

Katara's Good Excuse: Yeah, there are people who just bug you. The best thing I can tell you is to talk it out with her. If her habit is a real problem, you need to find out what's at the root of it, and see if there's anything you can do to help.

Sokka's Good Excuse: Okay, first off, don't listen to Katara. If it's not hurting you, it's not your business, so why do you care if this girl has a problem standing up for herself. She'll grow a backbone eventually, and until she does, she's not your responsibility. Trust me-- just leave her alone, and let her get into and out of her own messes.

Toph's Good Excuse: Don't worry 'bout it. I'm sure it's nothing a good beating can't cure.

Jet's Good Excuse: You can't blame her for all this. It isn't her fault. It's the Fire Nation--they did this, and they're blackmailing her to cover it up.You can't let them deceive you!

Fire Lord Ozai's Good Excuse: By all means, blame her. Shout, yell, fight, and remember, it's her fault if I take over the world, so you and your blasphemous Zuko Fan Mob can't come after me. And if I somehow fail to take over the world, that's her fault, too. After all, she must learn to take responsibility for her actions...


	20. Tricky Romance

Disclaimer: I own about as much as you do. Yeah, I thought so.

AN: Hello everyone! Thank you so much for your support and your patience—after a long and grueling IB programme, and after an arduous effort to get married and settle into my new home, it is time for my triumphant return! So I dedicate this to my latest reviewer, **Firechildfiredancerfireidiot13, **who asks:

"What do you do when you really like someone... and you know they like you back, but your best friend is also in love with said person?"

Well, Fire, I think that this calls for

THE AVATAR'S GUIDE TO TRICKY ROMANCE

Iroh's Romantic Wisdom: For matters of the heart, you must look inside yourself—but for matters of friendship, you must also examine your surroundings. How much do you and your best friend respectively like this person, and what would it do to your relationship with your friend if you succeed in winning their affection? Love is a beautiful thing, but you must decide if this relationship is worth straining another relationship.

Zuko's Romantic Wisdom: …Well… that depends. On a couple of things. First of all, how many fan shippers want you to get together with this person? And how many psychotic shippers would hurl a harpoon through your gut if you actually did? Trust me, Fire—love triangles hurt. I'm not touching this one.

Aang: Please don't hurt me, fangirls. It was only a kiss—a couple of them, actually, but—EEK! I know you ship Zutara, but—OW! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO GO THERE!

Mai's Romantic Wisdom: Shut up already. I really don't care about your problems. If you can't decide what to do on your own, then you obviously don't care enough about the guy to make it worth your while. Leave the moron alone.

Toph's Romantic Wisdom: Psh. Boys are stupid. Relationships can be fun and all, but they're definitely not worth all the trouble they cause. If it's gonna ruin your life with a bunch of drama, then can the loser. Because you seriously don't want to get all tangled up in all that weepy hurt feelings garbage—no fun. Believe me. Never get yourself into anything you can't smash your way out of.

Aunt Wu's Romantic Wisdom: Follow your heart, and take the scenic route on your way home tomorrow. You will find good things there.

Suki's Romantic Wisdom: Back off. He's mine. And I don't care if you're a contortionist, a poet, or the freakin' Moon, he's still mine. Got it?

Katara's Romantic Wisdom: I'd say… talk it out. I know from experience that just barging ahead and thinking you know what's best will get you into trouble. Try actually going to your friend and getting their permission to date this person. It sounds a bit weird, I know, but it will really help the two of you keep the trust and good feelings that have made your relationship what it is. And if it's not okay with them, just drop it. The world is full of cute people, and a surprising number of them will think you're even cuter. You'll get another chance.

Azula's Romantic Wisdom: Who cares what your friend thinks. If they're really your friend, they'll let you have whatever you want. And if they're not, get rid of them. Take what is yours by right.

Fire Lord Ozai's Romantic Wisdom: Love is meaningless. It makes you weak—malleable—easily manipulated. The only true abstract thing of value is power. If this relationship will give you the power necessary to rule the world, then by all means take it by any means necessary. But beware—it can be a crippling weakness if you are unguarded. Hurry and make your decision—I don't care what you choose. But when you are finished, you are to join me in the Capital to fight of the Zuko Fan Mob so that we may once again continue to take over the world!


	21. Money Matters

Author's Note: Rather than just making this an extended AN, I've decided to put it in Avatar's Guide format. Because that is far less boring, and might actually incite your sympathies.

Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar. I'm not making any money off of this. You don't have to remind me.

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A note from your humble servant:

I have gotten a lot of popular demand that I continue The Avatar's Guide to Problem Solving-- among other stories. A major problem I'm facing, though, is a bad economy, a decided lack of money, and the need to work long hours in order to make ends meet. I desperately want to write more-- it keeps me sane, it keeps me healthy, and it's something I genuinely love doing. But in the meantime I'm a student, a teacher, a foster mother, working at one paying job and about to take on a second. What to do?

So let's introduce

**The Avatar's Guide to Money Problems**

Iroh's Monetary Musings: There is a humble honor in poverty. Sometimes you must resort to unorthodox methods to make ends meet, but there is no shame in doing so. Bear your troubles with nobility, and all will be well in the end.

Zuko's (season 2) Monetary Musings: You don't have to live like this. Do something about it-- and if necessary, use force.

Aang's Monetary Musings: Um... you could do tricks, I suppose. Lots of odd jobs and stuff. Besides, the world is a pretty plentiful place-- you'll find a way to get by. I'm sure you will.

Azula's Monetary Musings: Pathetic. If you don't have the guts to _take _the money you need, then you deserve to go without. Your incessant weakness is an insult to the Fire Nation, and I will see to it that you are punished accordingly.

Toph's Monetary Musings: Well, you've got _something_, don't you? Find a safe bet and try gambling with it. Take me along, and we'll have it made before the end of the week. _Trust _me.

Boxy's (my wonderful husband) Monetary Musings: How about you start a blog? If the people reading this are interested in your work, they might be interested in reading it on your own website. And the more of them read it, the more money advertising companies will give you. A win-win situation, if you ask me.

Fire Lord Ozai's Monetary Musings: A lack of funding is an abomination in my sight. The only way you will be able to redeem yourself (or make any decent of pocket change) is to join me in taking over the world. Amass your soldiers, gather your Zuko Fan Mob, and we shall succeed in our conquest!

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There is a question I want answered by all of you: if I start posting this (and other snippets) on a regularly updated blog, would you guys be interested in reading it? And if you would, what sorts of things would you be interested in seeing?


	22. Possessed Fish

Author's Note: This was posted first in my new blog (*pause for celebration*), which is accessible at **_masakomoonshade. blogspot. com_** , minus the spaces. It will be updated twice a week with various anecdotes and Avatar's Guides, so please show your support by visiting me there. Thank ye.

Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar. You know, just in case that was unclear.

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I dedicate to KyaStar, who writes:

My roommate's fish is possessed. It died the first day she got it, but it wasn't flushed. A few days later, it's alive again. Also it's prone to demonic acts of scary fish-seizures. What should I do?

And so, I humbly present to you,

Moonshade's Guide to Possessed Fish

From the cast of Nickelodeon's Avatar: The Last Airbender come our guest stars with their advice:

Aang's Possession Confession: Um... I think you're a little confused. I'm the Great Bridge to the Spirit World and all, but that's for Spirits-- you know, River Spirits and Forest Spirits and Ocean Spirits-- that kind of thing. I don't really do ghosts... or demons... or anything else that would possess your friend's goldfish. Sorry about that.

Sokka's Possession Confession: Pssh. There's no such thing as ghosts. Really, you should know better than to believe in stuff like that. I guarantee you that there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for all of this, and it doesn't involve ghosts, or demons, or anything like that. It might involve a Spirit, though. Those Spirit Fish can be touchy, so you'd better be nice to it.

Toph's Possession Confession: Seriously? Awesome. Where can I get one?

Koh's Possession Confession: The fish is possessed, you say? A simple matter, child. Possession is merely a matter of having an unnecessary soul in your body-- an extra face, if you will. Bring it to me, and I can solve all your problems. It should be a... unique experience.

Tsune's Possession Confession: Oh... wait. That went to your roommate? Blast it all. I left specific instructions that the possessed goldfish was to go to that Azula witch. Don't worry, you should be fine. As long as neither you nor your roommate are Firebenders, the fish won't eat you. It shouldn't, anyway. You know, I should probably have double-checked that bit.

Fire Lord Ozai's Possession Confession: Demonic goldfish? Astounding. This is a fantastic opportunity for the advancement of our army. Undead warriors? A perfect counter for the Avatar and his so-called Spirits. Join me with your demonic goldfish, and together we shall take over the world!


	23. People Leaving

Disclaimer: I think I've made myself clear. I own Avatar no more than I do your favorite hat.

AN: Thanks to everyone who's visited the blog so far; it's going great. This was posted there on Wednesday.

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Today's Guide is dedicated to RandomGal.930, who writes:

Um, I have this one problem that I really need help with...Everyone I know is leaving! My cousins are going away for vacay, two of my friends in school are transferring, and I've just recently had to cope with my aunt and her daughter migrating. What do I do?

Well, RandomGal.930, to help you out I again invite the cast of Nickelodeon's Avatar: The Last Airbender to join us in

Moonshade's Guide to People Leaving

Aang's Aid: Oh, I've been there. A lot. It's hard, and I know it's painful, but in time you'll make new friends. If nothing else, this gives you a chance to travel to go visit them, and you'll meet even more people. Besides, just because they're far away doesn't mean they'll love you any less.

Huu's Aid: Separation is an illusion. Those we love never truly leave us.

Koh's Aid: Another simple matter—my, you humans really are useless. If leaving is the problem, ensure that they cannot leave. And if they try… then let there be consequences.

Toph's Aid: There's two sides to this one—first off, you can't just go around telling people that they can't leave you just because it's going to make you sad. If they've gotta go, they've gotta go. And yeah, that's gonna hurt you, but you're going to have to let it happen. And maybe you'll go somewhere yourself soon. On the other hand, yeah, it's going to take some time to get over. But you're gonna get over it.

Azula's Aid: They are traitors—not even worth your company. If they insist on deserting you, then they deserve their fate when it meets them, and you would do well to revel in their despair.

Fire Lord Ozai's Aid: If the world is yours, nobody can ever leave you. Unless you exile them, at which point you never need to see their ugly faces again. I believe that no further explanation is necessary.


	24. Shaking Things Up

Disclaimer: Alas, I still own nothing.

AN: Some news here. First, I find myself unfortunately short on questions to answer, and I'll be answering the first one I receive. Second, I've got an official Facebook, so feel free to look me up (on by blog works too). This was posted on my blog on April Fool's Day, because I thought it's be fun. Anywho:

Today's post goes out to **UpLate**, who writes:

_I need some advice: my sister is tired of our normal schedule and she wants some change. How could we throw in some differences here and there?_

Thanks for your question, **UpLate**, and for you I present

**Moonshade's Guide to Shaking Things Up**

_Uncle Iroh's Super Switch:_ I am more than familiar with the drudgery of an unchanging routine. I have found that life is more pleasant when you make reasons to celebrate every now and then. In fact, I would be most honored if you and your sister would join me for Music Night.

_Zuko's Super Switch_: What are you talking about?! If you let yourself get distracted, you'll never get what you want.

_Aang's Super Switch_: You know, routine is overrated. Take some time off every now and then-- take a vacation and do something you enjoy. Like riding giant koi in Kyoshi island, or picking up an old hobby that you almost forgot about.

_Mei's Super Switch_: How do you keep from getting bored? How should I know--I've been bored all my life. Maybe you can get a boyfriend or switch sides or something. That always makes life a bit more interesting.

_Sokka's Super Switch_: Try a bit of humor--comedy can shake up any situation. Or maybe some anachronistic slam poetry-- that's always fun.

_Momo's Super Switch_: You're bored? Try hanging out with humans for a while. Those things are bizarre-- you'll be so busy trying to figure out what's going on that you won't have time to be bored.

_Aunt Wu's Super Switch_: Find yourself a pair of beautiful shoes, and take a new route home from school once a week. In two months and three days, you will find something rather surprising in store.

_Fire Lord Ozai's Super Switch_: I like to take time out of my routine to relax-- take a nice break, visit a spa, eat some exotic delicacies, get an invigorating ice massage. Ah, it's good to be Fire Lord.

_Admit it, you were expecting him to tell you to take over the world for a change._


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